Friday evening: He is home from his half-day at preschool. I ask him how his day was and he doesn't answer. This is common. He's often able to ignore people talking to him and even calling his name frantically. My son is super smart, but spotty on whether or not he will do things for you. He's known uppercase and lowercase letters, numbers, colors, and shapes since he was 18 months old. He identified a pentagon for his teachers. While other kids would learn to sloppily write their first name, he spelled out his full name in magnetic letters. My Mother's Day card from him consisted of a paper vase glued to a paper that was blank and a note "Sorry, he wouldn't put his fingers in the paint to make your flowers. LOL :)" I actually love the card, I know he won't fingerpaint. He gets speech therapy twice a week; before that he didn't really talk. So he never said "I love you" to me until he was 3. I cried when he said it. He sings along with songs he knows and parrots and says some things of his own now. He will also start occupational therapy. Sometimes he pushes other kids and he gets a time-out. But he usually won't sit in time-out. It's hard to discipline him whenever he's in his own world. He tells me he wants to paint, but he really wants to play with the paint using the brushes and then watch me paint.
6pm. The witching hour. That's what it's called, the time dinner is being made and kids are prepped for bed, because kids tend to be very tired but magically find a second wind. My son is no exception. If I stand at the sink, he is laying on the floor holding onto both of my ankles, nearly tripping me. I step back from the stove to nearly step on one of his many trucks. Pretty much no matter what I cook for dinner, my son will not eat it (even spaghetti, which he likes). He will usually eat a crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into 1-inch cubes or chicken nuggets. Side dishes he will eat include most types of fruit, fries, some potato chips or most types of crackers, and he always has whole milk. He does not drink any soda, I call pop "an adult beverage" (same with coffee drinks). Sometimes he plays with my food, feeding me forkfuls. I'm glad for multi-vitamins. Many kids will eat eggs, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese. My son refuses to eat any of those things.
He gets ready for bed with lots of help. He can put his arms into his pajama shirt once I put it over his head, and he can pull up his pajama pants, but sometimes he simply refuses. He doesn't like to brush his teeth, but he will put his stepstool away and rinse and put up his toothbrush. He still is not potty trained (that is another blog post) despite working on it. He has zero interest. Peer pressure is basically meaningless to him. The upside here is that the taunts of another child are also meaningless to him.
His bedtime routine MUST be the same, pajamas, then brush teeth, then look at his African animal lightbox, then a series of shadow puppets, then a prayer that he has memorized. I took 3 nights to transition him from his crib to his toddler bed. I slept on the floor outside his room those nights. He loved his crib, he never climbed out of it, but he was destroying it by jumping in it. He received a kids' indoor trampoline and jumped his heart out on it. After 4 months the bungee cord broke. The next cord only lasted 4 months. So now he has an exercise trampoline for adults (holds up to 225 pounds versus 75 pounds for the kids' trampolines). He used to wake up around 1am. Usually he'd just talk to himself and then fall asleep after about half an hour. The first year of his life was awful, I have never been so consistently tired in all my life. Kids with autism are notorious for awful sleeping habits/patterns and they struggle to sleep normally. Usually melatonin is used with a pediatrician's approval (not every night).
Saturday morning: He prefers breakfast foods, so he will also eat a pancake and some ham, yogurt with granola, many cereals with milk, oatmeal. The problem is that he doesn't say exactly what he's in the mood for. If he wants yogurt with granola, he won't tell me--he will bring me a carton of yogurt and say "do you want yogurt with granola?" so that I repeat him. I ask him if he wants yogurt with granola and he says "okay!" He says okay instead of yes. Recently he has started saying "nokay" and I don't know whether that's maybe, yes, or no.
We go to the mall. Park in the same area, always have to take the stroller in the mall or else he just runs away. I have a couple of Autism Awareness shirts and I like to wear those in public places full of strangers. We go in and he is allowed to get out at the Lego store. For lunch he wants Chick-Fil-A. Now he will answer me as to whether he wants fries or fruit, milk or juice with his kids' meal. That's a big step up from ignoring my questions and getting upset later! My time in any store is dictated by how loud he is; if he gets into a screaming mood (not upset/angry, just being loud) we have to cut the trip short. We always have to stop at the play area for kids. He takes his shoes and socks off and methodically tucks one sock into each shoe and places them in a cubby before playing. I have to really watch him as he gets bigger because he is so much stronger than the babies who've just learned to walk and I don't want him pushing them or walking on them. He gave me a concussion a year and a half ago, but we were sort of wrestling around on the floor at home.
In the car on the way home he randomly shrieks or makes loud trills. He wants to listen to his music, but he screams and whines, so I turn the radio on. He continues to scream and whine. He used to fall asleep in the car when he was younger but most of the time he doesn't now. I was very impressed that he was okay when I switched him from his carseat to his booster seat in the car. Normally that kind of change leads to a few days of protesting and fit throwing. We'll see how he is when he outgrows his current pair of shoes and I put bigger ones on him. I like to buy secondhand shoes for him because they're already broken in. He doesn't wear dress shoes, snow boots, sandals, rain boots, sneakers, and such like other kids. He will only wear one pair. He doesn't like hooded sweatshirts, layered shirts, pants with netting inside (like many athletic pants have), the transition between seasons when he starts or stops wearing shorts or short sleeves, and he must have his jacket/coat zipped every time he wears it or he gets upset. He doesn't put his clothes on by himself, but he can take everything off by himself.
Sunday: He's barefoot as soon as we get inside the church. He won't go into the sanctuary for more than a few minutes, and he's running the aisles for that. He covers his ears because of the music being too loud for him (it's not loud, this church doesn't have drums and a band nor do they crank up the microphones). He stays in the nursery for the entire service. If a church service does not offer nursery, I can't go to the service. The folks at this church are loving and accepting of my son, and I am grateful for this. One woman watches him at her house during church choir practice so that I can sing in the choir (I love to sing :) )
We're invited out to eat for brunch after church. We insist on going at less-busy times so he's easier to spot when he gets away from the table and runs. We take books and the iPad and cars and trucks to occupy him but it rarely worked. One trick is to know what we want and order as soon as the waitress first comes. Sometimes he will have a meltdown and we have to box up our food and leave partway through the meal if distracting him is NOT working. I've gotten good at reading him and I can tell when he's more likely to be mellow and when he's gonna have a cow over things. His mood determines what we try to do. If he doesn't want to do it then it's an exhausting event. Imagine a baby who can just walk and the fits they throw. Now imagine they're 41 pounds, 3'7", and solid muscle. I've left stores without getting what I came for because he wouldn't cooperate.
He is improving. He can tell when I'm sad. If I cry he will say repeatedly "hi mommy" until I stop crying (he does this when I watch You've Got Mail and such). We've made it through different phases, such as biting holes in his shirts, refusing to keep his shoes and socks on, refusing to sleep in his toddler bed, refusing to sleep alone, and so on. We're working on potty-training and nail-biting and dressing himself, and sitting still for meals and library programs.
My son has autism. He's so much more than the autism, he has a sense of humor, he has likes and dislikes and favorite things. He's super handsome (it's no wonder a girl in his class likes him) and fun. I don't really compare him to other kids--I just celebrate every milestone that he passes when he does it. Some things he's behind, others he's way ahead.
We just do things a bit differently.
