Asperger's

I pulled these symptoms of Asperger's from this website 

http://www.brainbalancecenters.com/blog/2012/02/signs-and-symptoms-of-asperger-syndrome/

I'm going to highlight the symptoms I've noticed in myself. 

Asperger Syndrome (AS) is a pervasive developmental disorder that is widely described as a mild form of autism. People with AS tend to have many of the social and sensory issues of those with more severe forms of autistic disorder but have average to above average IQs and vocabularies. They often have trouble picking up on subtle forms of communication like body language, humor, and sarcasm. Find below some common signs of Asperger Syndrome:

• difficulty making friends of the same age, children with AS may feel more comfortable with adults or much younger children
• engages in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is still listening or trying to change the subject
• displays unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
• does not empathize with or seems insensitive to others’ feelings and has a hard time “reading” other people or may have difficulty understanding humor
• doesn’t understand the give-and-take of conversation or engage in “small talk”
• seems egocentric or self-absorbed
• may speak in a voice that is monotone, rigid, jerky or unusually fast
• may be extremely literal or have difficulty understanding the nuances of language, despite having a good vocabulary

While all children with AS are different, their unusual social skills and obsessive interests tend to set them apart from their peers. They may have in common some or all of the following symptoms:

• may have an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects
• may strongly prefer repetitive routines or rituals and becomes upset at any small changes
• may memorize information and facts easily, especially information related to a topic of interest
• may have clumsy, uncoordinated movements, an odd posture or a rigid gait
• may perform repetitive movements, such as hand or finger flapping
• may engage in violent outbursts, self-injurious behaviors, tantrums or meltdowns
• may be hypersensitive to sensory stimulation such as light, sound, and texture
• may “day dream” or “zone out” when overstimulated

Welcome to a New Phase

Settling into Baltimore still. It's so weird that I don't have a job right now, and honestly I feel like a useless blob. I know I have things to do, there's definitely no shortage of housework. But I feel less important to other people now. I'm not paid to do anything, I don't have as many demands on my time, and if I wanted to I could sit on the couch watching soaps and eating Bonbons. Except soaps aren't my thing; I'm much more likely to waste time playing LEGO video games and looking up things I saw people claiming to be true on Facebook.

But maybe this is just one of my periods where I'm feeling blue. I keep telling myself that this is just a phase, that in a few months or next year this phase will be over, and I will once again feel that I am somehow contributing to society. Not that I don't contribute to society at all, but those of you who have gone from working to not working probably know what I'm talking about. So I will probably feel better about myself in a few weeks, or when I get my crap together mentally and physically. I want to have events on my calendar. I want friends. I want my autistic son to stop being so ridiculously stubborn.

I feel like the world easily goes on turning without me. I know I make a difference in the lives of my family members, but that impact isn't quite what I want it to be. For one thing, I have depression. I have trouble with motivation. It comes in spurts, and I'm trying to figure out how to cue those spurts. So I've taken up coffee (cream and sugar, please!). Downsizing the household by over 600 square feet gave me lots to do, but I'm still struggling with motivation. I have to break things down into super small pieces for things to feel manageable to me. I often think "what's the point in doing xyz anyway?" Like cleaning. Everything gets messy again so fast. I'd rather maintain some messy than drive myself nuts cleaning all day, every day to maintain spotless. But it's easier to clean (in my opinion) when things are mostly clean already.

And this motivation issue is one reason depression absolutely sucks. Also: I think I may have Asperger's. More on that one later.

Science and Religion agree--Porn is Bad

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/04/08/is-porn-immoral-that-doesnt-matter-its-a-public-health-crisis/

A New Diet

     Yesterday I started a new diet, without realizing that that's how my day would play out. It's called the Root Canal Diet. It's very painful and annoying, yet requires absolutely zero time at the gym. It's pretty expensive compared to many diet plans, but insurance is usually willing to cover a chunk of the cost. You can be on the root canal diet as little as a week or as long as a month; if you hate going to the dentist and live on the edge you can stay on it much longer but there are very unpleasant side effects for those who go that route. 

     Monday I went to the dentist expecting to get a crown on my cracked back left molar (#18 apparently). She did some testing and realized she could not confidently proceed with the crown because she didn't think that was the tooth that was the source of my pain--it was the jerk molar next to it (#19). While #18 does indeed have a crack along the chewing surface and hitting it just right produces a weird feeling, '#19 has something going on under the filling' she said. She did tests, having me bite down on some plastic stick, and then she did what I call The Nasty Klondike Test. She uses some sort of dentist goo that feels painfully cold and tastes bad, and she applied it to several teeth, one at a time. The icy feeling hits instantly on healthy teeth. You raise your hand as soon as you can feel the awful sensation, and lower your hand once it's gone. It lasts about two seconds on healthy teeth. But I didn't have all healthy teeth. I had healthy teeth but also Cracky (#18) and Throbby (#19). I was referred to an endodontist and got an appointment the next day.

     I didn't think I had an issue with hot and cold on those back teeth until I had The Nasty Klondike Test. The pain hit about as fast as on the healthy teeth but it lingered. It took 5 seconds for the sharp pain to subside and there was an icy little stab that wasn't gone for another 20 seconds. She also did the Don't Eat It Gummy Bear Test, stick-biting test, and dental roll-chewing test. We'd found the source of my chewing pain and the cause of the aching and throbbing: Throbby, #19. I'd hoped it would be Cracky, because a crown isn't such a big deal. It sucks, but it isn't nearly as expensive and I've had one before. 

     Le sigh.

     The endodontist uses a microscope to get the tooth's pulp out and remove the nerve, and the cool/disturbing thing about this is that I could see my tooth clearly in the reflection of the lens of this microscope. So I watched as the dentist bore a big hole in my tooth. Fortunately they had the radio tuned to a good station, and I was tapping my toes to the music. They numbed me thoroughly, and I felt some pressure here and there and I could see what they were doing, but the actual root canal was fine.

    I got a hot fudge milkshake at Dairy Queen on the way home (I wasn't driving, and no drive-thru person could have understood my numb speech) and drank it awkwardly. I knew to pop Ibuprofen as soon as I got home (I'd taken two preemptively as well). I was sleepy since the stuff they use to numb crosses the blood-brain barrier and let's face it, even Midol puts me to sleep despite having caffeine in it. 

     And then the numbness wore off. 

     I have a bit of TMJ and I do grind a little in my sleep. Keeping my mouth open so wide for an hour and a half today (plus the time Monday at my regular dentist) had my jaw up to my temple throbbing. It was AWFUL. I did research to determine the cause of so much pain over the entire left side of my face and applied a heat pack once I found out that my TMJ was the reason for the pain. That helped. I was doing much better. 

     I took Ibuprofen PM when I went to bed so I could sleep. It worked except for one thing I'd forgotten about: grinding in my sleep. I don't have a night guard, and I regretted that around 2AM when I abruptly bit down in my sleep and the pain jolted me to consciousness! I fell asleep and it happened again around 5AM. Worried, I went downstairs for another Ibuprofen and a Root Beer Float yogurt (thank you, Yoplait, for helping me prevent ulcers during this experience as I pop Ibuprofen like it's candy). I did the bite-down-wake-up thing at least once more. So now I'm in the market for SOMETHING to protect Throbby until I get the permanent filling put in sometime next week at my regular dentist. 

     In the meantime, I have no desire to chew anything. I swear I've already lost a pound.

Happy Birthday!

     My son's birthday is Wednesday. He will be seven years old. Every year without fail, he runs away from his own birthday cake. He doesn't particularly mind birthdays overall: the presents, people telling him "Happy birthday!". But the cake itself, with the loud singing, and the lit candles, overstimulates him. It could even be that he doesn't like being the center of attention when the other people are being loud and excited.

     He has been to other people's birthday parties and he runs from their cake too. He ducks out of the room once the cake comes out. We went to a birthday party for a friend of mine last weekend. The cake was done out on the deck, and he ran at least 30 feet inside the house to get away from the noise.

     So he's never blown out the candles on a birthday cake. Actually, I have a correction: he was in the room for his first birthday cake being presented. He couldn't run away yet for one thing, and for another, he was strapped in a highchair. I honestly don't need to sing the birthday song to him, I don't care if he blows out candles. I just want him to sit in front of his birthday cake for a picture and then eat a piece of his own cake. Sometimes he doesn't even eat any of his own cake! That's autism for you. Just to be clear, he picks out what kind of cake he wants. This year's will be Minecraft. It will look like the cakes do in the game Minecraft: brown with white icing on the top and sort of down the sides, with red squares in places on top.

     My parents always come to visit for my son's birthday. My dad's birthday is actually the day after my son's, so they have a combined birthday cake. When my son runs away, my dad gets sung to and he blows out the candles. This year I want to try not singing the birthday song, and calmly lighting candles. Everyone (especially my parents, who get loud when they are upbeat and trying to generate excitement) needs to be calm and not push. I should probably have my son practice blowing out a candle, come to think of it. Then he will be ready for Friday, when we finally have his cake.

     I have no idea at what point my son will have a birthday party. I've always done a little something for his class at school on his birthday. Last year, in Kindergarten, his theme was LEGO, so I made a bunch of paper LEGOS in different colors. The kids got a colored half sheet of construction paper and drew the first letter of their first name the size of their hand, then they put glue on it. They stuck the LEGOS I made to the glue and they had to use at least five different colors. I also took applejuice boxes and Rice Crispy Treats. The kids got 8 M&Ms to put on the Rice Crispy Treat so that it looked like a giant, edible LEGO brick. Two years ago he was in pre-K and loved trucks, so they got chocolate mini donuts and juice. I told them that I brought truck tires for them and acted surprised that they were donuts. I read a really cute book about vehicles called Digger, Dozer, Dumper to them. Three years ago he just took dinosaur cookies in that day.

     But I worry about actually hosting a birthday party for him. I worry because he IS different. He has classic autism, that's just the reality. He isn't an Aspie (someone with Asperger's Syndrome), which is the highest-functioning form of autism. I mean, he runs away from his own birthday cake, how could we have a party? He would largely ignore his guests. Schools have determined that kids can't have birthday parties at school, so I've been creative as I find ways around that rule. Hence reading to the kids and having them make the letter as they did last year. This year (if I can ever get the teacher to return my messages) I am planning to read a book about kids with autism, and the kids will get in groups to do a Minecraft sentence-building activity.

     We have gone to a couple of birthday parties for the "normies" (what I call neurotypical children and people). We have also gone to a birthday party for a guy who is also special needs. I worry a LOT, but I have hope that in the future we could try a birthday party with my son's special needs friends. Their normal is much closer to our normal.

Lies about Christians

     Okay, here's the thing: as humans, we love to spread foolish rumors. We believe that ostriches really stick their head in the sand and ignore problems (they definitely do not), lemmings jump off cliffs in groups (they don't), and if you see a piranha while swimming you will likely be eaten (people living around the Amazon river swim with piranhas all the time without injury). We really spread stuff if the rumor is sensational. Right now the rumors are really flying about politicians, but I want to address rumors about Christianity and Christians.

Lie: Christians worship 3 gods.
Fact: Christians worship 1 God. God is triune, meaning he has 3 parts. This is weird and hard to understand and is one of the mysteries of the Christian faith. To say that Jesus Christ is not equal to God the Father is considered heresy; it also means that God himself did not die for our sins if Jesus is some sort of lesser deity.

Lie: Christians or Jews have ever offered human sacrifices to God.
Fact: Nope. Abraham was ASKED to offer his beloved son and heir, Isaac, as a sacrifice to God. This sacrifice did not happen, God just wanted to see if Abraham was willing to give up what he loved most in the world for God. What Abraham loved most just happened to be his son. We're also called to love God first and foremost, loving nothing else above him. God intervened because he did NOT want Isaac to die. A ram showed up and Abraham offered that as sacrifice to God. A rumor spread in the centuries after Christ came that Jews kidnap Christian babies to offer as sacrifices. Such a lie!

Lie: Christians condemn unbelievers to hell.
Fact: Each person decides where to go. No person can send anyone else to heaven or hell. God alone is Judge and we each choose whether we want to be with him for eternity or if we'd rather not be with him. We can either say to God "Thy will be done" or He will say to us "Fine, then, have it your way."

Lie: Bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people. So Christians should only have blessings.
Fact: Christianity doesn't believe this; Islam does (obviously replace "Christians" with "Muslims" above). The Bible says the sun shines on the righteous and the unrighteous and we all get rain too (Matthew 5:45). The idea of karma is not in the Bible. Many a saint lived righteously and yet had way more than their 'fair share' of bad stuff happen. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that Christians are not blessed, we just expect that pure joy and true happiness are once we are with God, i.e. after death.

Lie: All Christians believe the exact same thing. So we all hate the same stuff and approve of the same things.
Fact: There are basic beliefs that define a person as being Christian, but other stuff is interpreted differently. To be a Christian you must believe in only one God, who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We acknowledge that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin and he died for the sins of all. Another key belief is sincere repentance to God for the sins we commit and acceptance that 'Jesus Christ died even for me'. Just Google "Nicene Creed" to see what Christians must profess. 
     Stuff we differ on can be according to denomination or even person to person: whether tattoos are okay, whether Harry Potter is okay to read, whether abortion is ever okay, if women can be ministers, what's appropriate to wear to church....frankly the list goes on forever. Yes, we argue about these things (*sarcasm ahead* thank you Facebook for making it possible for people to slam me for being "a pagan priestess" conducting "lesbian wedding ceremonies" when I Celebrate Communion *sarcasm over*). 
     You will find Christians who are thrilled that gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states, and Christians who mourned the decision. Just as there are Democrats who disagree with other Democrats and Republicans who fight with Republicans, Christians do disagree on things, though they usually aren't as exciting as the press would have you believe. We disagree on mundane things such as is there only one valid form of baptism or Communion, what are the functions of a deacon, and 'is this hymn the best choice for Easter services?'

What crazy claims have you heard about Christians?

Weird Bible Verses 3

      Deuteronomy 22:5,  "The woman shall not wear that which pertains unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God."

     Remember Louis XIV, the Sun King? That man rocked a skirt, hose, and heels, and it was still obvious that he was a man. This famous painting of him shows it

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Louis_XIV_of_France.jpg

Did you notice the long, luscious locks on his head too? Yet we look at him and can tell that this person in the painting is a man.

    Think about what people wore in Jesus' day: a long robe, maybe a sash, and head covering like a long hood. So....kind of like dresses. Men and women. How did people tell the difference? Men always had a beard, and women usually couldn't completely hide the bumps from that secondary sex characteristic that is breasts. 

    This is where the Bible gets misunderstood and or ignored. Women are allowed to wear pants. Men can wear kilts. Women can have short hair. Men can have long hair. The gist of the passage is that you must be able to look at a person and know which gender said person is. 

Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that you be not judged.”

    This does NOT mean what people think it means. 

     This is one of those verses where we need to look at the entire context, not a verse out of context. A single verse out of context can say something different than that verse within its context. We can edit things to say the opposite of what they really mean (although it can be called slander or libel). For example, if I go on and on about my favorite TV shows, someone listening to me might zone out for a minute and snap back to the conversation when I say "The sexuality is through the roof." What was I referring to when I said that? The person doesn't know, because the entire context isn't known. Same thing here. Look at the entire passage:

        “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be            judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see                  the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own                    eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’                    when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your                own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

    The word hypocrite in verse five is the key to this passage. We are not supposed to judge others for the same sins we are committing, or the same problems we have. If you have an immaculate home (I do NOT) then go ahead and give cleaning advice and organization tips to me. If you live in a pigsty, I'm going to think you're nuts. I had a friend who gave me advice regarding my marriage, and she's never been married. In fact, all of her relationships have been disasters! 

    This is why Alcoholics Anonymous chooses people who have been through alcohol addiction to be sponsors to those beginning treatment. I wrote a sermon I refer to as the Star Wars sermon (though I can't find it to post on my computer). The gist of it is that Anakin Skywalker aka Darth Vader has always had anger issues. Remember when he found his mom and he killed that entire community of Tusken Raiders? Yoda and Obi-Wan tried to talk him through his wrath before that happened, and Obi-Wan tried again during the lava scene and quadruple chop of Anakin's limbs. But Luke Skywalker also wrestled with wrath. He worked on it and finally learned to control it so that it didn't spiral out of control, leading him to hurt others. Palpatine even noticed that the Skywalkers were prone to anger, it was a generational sin for that family, for he said of Leia that "She has the Skywalker anger....like her brother....like her father." We also know that Yoda told Luke to beware of anger, fear, and aggression. Because of his own journey of staving off wrath, Luke is qualified to confront his father about his temper. 

    So yes, we are allowed to judge, that is, confront someone about their issue, when it's an issue we have personally wrestled and conquered.