Chef's Log

So yesterday I tried making chocolate cupcakes with salted caramel frosting. I bought a cake mix and totally cheated on the cupcake part. But c'mon, it was Devil's Food extra moist. Don't be a food snob. So I made the icing from scratch. I put the sugar and water in a pan and got to giving my 3 year-old something to eat, giving the cats water, etc. Suddenly 7 minutes had gone by and the saucepan was full of smoke! I haven't burned anything in a while, so I wasn't sure what to do. I decided to let it cool and then proceed.

Dumb.

I added the milk and vanilla and stirred my little heart out. It wasn't creamy as the recipe said it should be. It was scary. The caramel was stuck to my non-stick Pampered Chef saucepan, and the milk coagulated into a strange and terrifying pudding. I dumped it out in the sink and vowed to being anew.

But the caramel wasn't budging. I poured hot water, let the pan sit, and scrubbed. Nope.

Put it back on the burner for a couple minutes. Nope.

I grab the scraper. Nope.

I roll up my sleeves on the cute blue and white ruffled blouse I'm wearing and really SCRAPE. Nope.

Finally I use the pot that boils water in two minutes (LOVE that thing btw) and pour boiling water on the stubborn caramel. SHAZAAM!

Now I can start over. At this point, like, an hour has gone by. Fortunately I left the unsalted butter sitting out on the counter so it was approaching room temperature as the recipe called for. Cooking is throwing ingredients with complementary tastes together, but baking requires precision: measuring, correct consistency, correct temperature of ingredients. Otherwise you can't bet on the results. So Rachel Ray can do "two times around the pan with EVOO" all she wants, but when she bakes a cake or bread I bet she busts out the measuring cups and spoons. Unless her cupped palm holds exactly 1/4 cup, and a tablespoon is what sits on her elbow with her arm held level (note to self: try this). I admit, I use my hands to measure things because I have the hands of a 10 year-old and they are exactly six inches from wrist to tip of my middle finger. But unless I'm rolling dough into a circle for scones, that doesn't really help.

Anyway, I get the caramel right this time (i.e. I don't burn it and have to turn on the fan and open the window  and kitchen door) and add milk and vanilla. I obediently set that aside for 25 minutes until it's cool to the touch. It tastes much better than the first batch, may it rest in peace. I get the hand mixer because I don't have a stand mixer as it says to use. But I used whole milk instead of heavy cream, and table salt instead of fine salt. Baking is about precision unless you have to go to the store and you know which substitutions are okay. I have a lot of fun creaming the heck out of the butter until it's fluffy. I add powered sugar and salt, then pour in the caramel and blend the heck out of it. I'm a little uncertain. Like, first-time-walking-in-3-inch-heels uncertain. I taste it.

It's flippin' delicious.

I immediately grab one of the messed up, partially stuck to the pan cupcakes (there were 3 out of 18, proving I am not an Iron Chef) and frost it. I stand over the sink to eat since I just cleaned the kitchen floor that morning and I'm too lazy to get a plate. Do I hear angels singing? No wait, that's Dora singing about where she's going in this episode.

Maybe next time I'll tell more about my cooking and baking adventures.

Things I've Learned as a Mom

       Being a mom is a little different than I thought it would be. My son, he's 3 1/2, has autism. He's basically middle of the spectrum, but with help he will improve. Maybe in 10 years you won't be able to really tell that he is autistic. He's in a special preschool program right now and it's helping tremendously. He goes 5 days a week and he gets speech therapy for 30 minutes twice a week. He went from nonverbal to repeating a lot and actually saying some things when he needs to say them. Other times I can prompt him to say something, that's something he wouldn't do before. He sings now too (which is hilariously adorable). We have to try harder to get places on time. He might veto everything I offer him for breakfast, preferring to throw a tantrum because I won't let him have candy instead of cereal or waffles. It takes forever to cross a parking lot. I can vacuum only to have him grind Poptart into the carpet later. I'm glad he has a mini trampoline inside. I have an Autism Awareness shirt and car stickers. I have to keep in the cart or stroller when other kids his age wouldn't have to, because he will run away from me and he ignores my commands for him to stop. At the Easter egg hunts he went to this year he didn't get many eggs, preferring to just run around instead because he was excited. Really, if he's having a good time and sort of trying and learning something or just being social (which is learning social skills) then I'm happy.

       Other things I have learned are just about having kids in general. I cried after I took my son to preschool his first day. I've learned to order something cold at restaurants so he has something to eat while the too-hot food cools. Always have a toy and snack. Vacuum the all-you-can-eat buffet out of the backseat of the car at least once a month. Keep track of all sippy cups or unspeakable horrors await when you find them again. Never assume your child can't get into something. I understand now why shirts are made that read "Autistic by day, ninja by night". You can make anything fun. Not just because there's an iPhone with kids' apps on it, but when my husband was looking for jeans one day I tried on hats and sunglasses just to amuse my son. His giggles when I put the hats on him were precious! Your house can only be so clean when you have little ones. I pick up and my son literally goes behind me and undoes my progress. I'm still not a morning person but I can make coffee and I go to bed around the same time each night now. My son is the most effective alarm clock I've ever had. I think I will always give the same baby shower gift: newborn diapers, socks, and a bottle of SHOUT! stain remover.

       My son has school pictures (for the first time ever, bet I cry when I get them) coming up next week. I have no idea if he'll really sit there for a picture, or what face he'll be making if he does. Frankly, they'd be cute anyway. I'm biased, but I think he's the most beautiful child ever. Several years ago my parents took my nephew, then about 18 months, to the mall to get his picture taken with Santa. He was all dressed up and looked adorable. On Santa's lap all he did was scream bloody murder. The photographer couldn't snap a picture that wasn't of my nephew screaming, so he told my parents they didn't need to buy a photo. My parents said something like 'are you kidding? We're the grandparents, of course we're buying the picture!" I liked that attitude and even if he's making what I call his 'predator' face, my son's school picture will be cute and at least look like him. There's a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip in which Calvin's parents are trying to take a good photo of him to send out on their Christmas card but Calvin won't stop making ridiculous faces. Finally, his mother looks through the pictures they're taken and says "well, these do LOOK like Calvin...."

       I can only take the new challenges and obstacles as they come. With autism, I don't know exactly what those will be, but if I think about him driving I will go gray tomorrow. I pray for patience a lot. Really, he's himself. I usually don't compare him to other kids. He is who he is. His autism doesn't define him, it's just part of him.