Substitute Teaching

So I've gotten a job as a substitute teacher. It's always been a fact that teaching means you learn a lot, and this job is certainly schooling me. So here are some observations/things I've learned/things I've done as a sub.

Observed: not all schools or classes have textbooks and it's awful for a sub when the subject is math and I have no way of looking up and refreshing my brain on how to do what they're doing. The last time I did calculus was 1999 and most other stuff was before that, so I need a reminder.
I've learned: Always get a schedule of the day for the teacher I'm in for, or else the third graders will wonder why I think they have computer day when it's gym day and the 7th graders will hate me for thinking they eat lunch 15 minutes later.
I've done this: a kindergartner told me a boy had called her a crybaby. She said this as though she were reporting the weather outside, not a hit of whine in her voice. I asked her if she's a crybaby. She calmly answered me, "no." I told her, "Then that boy is wrong. Ignore him."

Observed: Two little girls (sitting next to each other) lost a tooth within minutes of each other. They are third graders, so this was normal. I wondered if the nurse thought I was daring the class to pull their loose teeth.
I've learned: Always get a map of the school. Faculty lunchroom and faculty bathrooms locations are very important things to know.
I've done this: One third grade boy raised his hand throughout the day and told me jokes from a book he had. Toward the end of the day his hand was up, and I asked him, "Does this have anything to do with the Amish?" (we were discussing them). He said yes. I said okay. He then asked another joke question.

Observed: Sometimes a parent is supposed to pick up his/her child and never shows. The child is anxious for hours as a result.
I've learned: Always preface answers to the teachers with "Mrs._______ told me this..." because otherwise they will think you took some kid's word for it!
I've done this: Told a multiracial class I wear the same foundation shade as Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Observed: The kids think it's great when their sub goes to gym and plays with the parachute too, including laying on the floor.
I've learned: Tell the kids to make a sign with their name on their desks. It's hard to corral "you there, in the red pants!" since they answer to their name better.
I've done this: Played Just Dance 2 on the Wii to Walk Like an Egyptian in front of a gym full of 5th graders and beaten the other teacher.