Asperger's

I pulled these symptoms of Asperger's from this website 

http://www.brainbalancecenters.com/blog/2012/02/signs-and-symptoms-of-asperger-syndrome/

I'm going to highlight the symptoms I've noticed in myself. 

Asperger Syndrome (AS) is a pervasive developmental disorder that is widely described as a mild form of autism. People with AS tend to have many of the social and sensory issues of those with more severe forms of autistic disorder but have average to above average IQs and vocabularies. They often have trouble picking up on subtle forms of communication like body language, humor, and sarcasm. Find below some common signs of Asperger Syndrome:

• difficulty making friends of the same age, children with AS may feel more comfortable with adults or much younger children
• engages in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is still listening or trying to change the subject
• displays unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures
• does not empathize with or seems insensitive to others’ feelings and has a hard time “reading” other people or may have difficulty understanding humor
• doesn’t understand the give-and-take of conversation or engage in “small talk”
• seems egocentric or self-absorbed
• may speak in a voice that is monotone, rigid, jerky or unusually fast
• may be extremely literal or have difficulty understanding the nuances of language, despite having a good vocabulary

While all children with AS are different, their unusual social skills and obsessive interests tend to set them apart from their peers. They may have in common some or all of the following symptoms:

• may have an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects
• may strongly prefer repetitive routines or rituals and becomes upset at any small changes
• may memorize information and facts easily, especially information related to a topic of interest
• may have clumsy, uncoordinated movements, an odd posture or a rigid gait
• may perform repetitive movements, such as hand or finger flapping
• may engage in violent outbursts, self-injurious behaviors, tantrums or meltdowns
• may be hypersensitive to sensory stimulation such as light, sound, and texture
• may “day dream” or “zone out” when overstimulated

Welcome to a New Phase

Settling into Baltimore still. It's so weird that I don't have a job right now, and honestly I feel like a useless blob. I know I have things to do, there's definitely no shortage of housework. But I feel less important to other people now. I'm not paid to do anything, I don't have as many demands on my time, and if I wanted to I could sit on the couch watching soaps and eating Bonbons. Except soaps aren't my thing; I'm much more likely to waste time playing LEGO video games and looking up things I saw people claiming to be true on Facebook.

But maybe this is just one of my periods where I'm feeling blue. I keep telling myself that this is just a phase, that in a few months or next year this phase will be over, and I will once again feel that I am somehow contributing to society. Not that I don't contribute to society at all, but those of you who have gone from working to not working probably know what I'm talking about. So I will probably feel better about myself in a few weeks, or when I get my crap together mentally and physically. I want to have events on my calendar. I want friends. I want my autistic son to stop being so ridiculously stubborn.

I feel like the world easily goes on turning without me. I know I make a difference in the lives of my family members, but that impact isn't quite what I want it to be. For one thing, I have depression. I have trouble with motivation. It comes in spurts, and I'm trying to figure out how to cue those spurts. So I've taken up coffee (cream and sugar, please!). Downsizing the household by over 600 square feet gave me lots to do, but I'm still struggling with motivation. I have to break things down into super small pieces for things to feel manageable to me. I often think "what's the point in doing xyz anyway?" Like cleaning. Everything gets messy again so fast. I'd rather maintain some messy than drive myself nuts cleaning all day, every day to maintain spotless. But it's easier to clean (in my opinion) when things are mostly clean already.

And this motivation issue is one reason depression absolutely sucks. Also: I think I may have Asperger's. More on that one later.

Science and Religion agree--Porn is Bad

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/04/08/is-porn-immoral-that-doesnt-matter-its-a-public-health-crisis/