Happy Birthday!

     My son's birthday is Wednesday. He will be seven years old. Every year without fail, he runs away from his own birthday cake. He doesn't particularly mind birthdays overall: the presents, people telling him "Happy birthday!". But the cake itself, with the loud singing, and the lit candles, overstimulates him. It could even be that he doesn't like being the center of attention when the other people are being loud and excited.

     He has been to other people's birthday parties and he runs from their cake too. He ducks out of the room once the cake comes out. We went to a birthday party for a friend of mine last weekend. The cake was done out on the deck, and he ran at least 30 feet inside the house to get away from the noise.

     So he's never blown out the candles on a birthday cake. Actually, I have a correction: he was in the room for his first birthday cake being presented. He couldn't run away yet for one thing, and for another, he was strapped in a highchair. I honestly don't need to sing the birthday song to him, I don't care if he blows out candles. I just want him to sit in front of his birthday cake for a picture and then eat a piece of his own cake. Sometimes he doesn't even eat any of his own cake! That's autism for you. Just to be clear, he picks out what kind of cake he wants. This year's will be Minecraft. It will look like the cakes do in the game Minecraft: brown with white icing on the top and sort of down the sides, with red squares in places on top.

     My parents always come to visit for my son's birthday. My dad's birthday is actually the day after my son's, so they have a combined birthday cake. When my son runs away, my dad gets sung to and he blows out the candles. This year I want to try not singing the birthday song, and calmly lighting candles. Everyone (especially my parents, who get loud when they are upbeat and trying to generate excitement) needs to be calm and not push. I should probably have my son practice blowing out a candle, come to think of it. Then he will be ready for Friday, when we finally have his cake.

     I have no idea at what point my son will have a birthday party. I've always done a little something for his class at school on his birthday. Last year, in Kindergarten, his theme was LEGO, so I made a bunch of paper LEGOS in different colors. The kids got a colored half sheet of construction paper and drew the first letter of their first name the size of their hand, then they put glue on it. They stuck the LEGOS I made to the glue and they had to use at least five different colors. I also took applejuice boxes and Rice Crispy Treats. The kids got 8 M&Ms to put on the Rice Crispy Treat so that it looked like a giant, edible LEGO brick. Two years ago he was in pre-K and loved trucks, so they got chocolate mini donuts and juice. I told them that I brought truck tires for them and acted surprised that they were donuts. I read a really cute book about vehicles called Digger, Dozer, Dumper to them. Three years ago he just took dinosaur cookies in that day.

     But I worry about actually hosting a birthday party for him. I worry because he IS different. He has classic autism, that's just the reality. He isn't an Aspie (someone with Asperger's Syndrome), which is the highest-functioning form of autism. I mean, he runs away from his own birthday cake, how could we have a party? He would largely ignore his guests. Schools have determined that kids can't have birthday parties at school, so I've been creative as I find ways around that rule. Hence reading to the kids and having them make the letter as they did last year. This year (if I can ever get the teacher to return my messages) I am planning to read a book about kids with autism, and the kids will get in groups to do a Minecraft sentence-building activity.

     We have gone to a couple of birthday parties for the "normies" (what I call neurotypical children and people). We have also gone to a birthday party for a guy who is also special needs. I worry a LOT, but I have hope that in the future we could try a birthday party with my son's special needs friends. Their normal is much closer to our normal.