Curly Hair and 5 Minutes

       There are many downsides to curly hair: humidity makes curls a tangled, frizzy mess. I survive on conditioner. My hair can get caught on EVERYTHING. Freshman year of high school I was walking down the hallway and my hair caught the zipper on a senior guy's backpack. I tugged, but it didn't come free! The guy and the three friends with him were laughing at me, I desperately yanked until the hair let go, then I hurried down the hall red-faced. Another time I was sitting next to a friend who was brushing her hair and looking the other way--her brush caught my curls and couldn't get free. Then there was the time I was leaning over and the same friend was putting her plastic choir chair down right next to me. I got the CHAIR LEG caught in my hair! As a bridesmaid I once wore an updo. It took 60 bobby pins (I counted as I took them out) to keep my hair in place, and it was HEAVY. I can't straighten or blow-dry it without majorly damaging it. I have to use product every day.
 
      There are benefits to curly hair too. Lots of volume. When a restroom doesn't have towels or a hand dryer I can dry my hands on my hair. When I want to hide from someone I just pull my hair back (because people look for the big hair), haha. I don't have to blow-dry my hair when it's long. I can do my hair in 5 minutes when it's long. I can go anywhere without a brush (I don't even own one). Wind my hair into a bun and I have a pillow. Dry hair on my neck keeps me a few degrees warmer in the winter.

       Loads of women have told me they wish they had my hair. As a little girl I wished I had long, straight, dark brown hair and brown eyes and that I was named Crystal (though I also wanted to work at White Castle and drive a station wagon because of the backward-facing seats in the rear). We tend to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but the rest of that sentence should be 'it's just as hard to mow'. We look at other people and wish we had the things we like about them. Many reading this understand that--the slender woman we envy may battle anorexia or be a chain smoker; the man with the successful career may barely know his kids; the student who does it all may be so addicted to caffeine and sleeping pills that she suffers withdrawal without copious amounts of both every day.

       We envy other people because it's easier to look at what someone else has/is and be envious than it is to work on/accept ourselves. It's like wishing on a star for stuff to happen. We don't workout at the gym only to be shocked that we are sore the next day. Work equals results. When I want to get better at something or make a new habit, I have to struggle to keep doing that thing (going to the gym, going to bed at the same time each night...). Likewise, if I want to get good at avoiding things, I have to practice that too (no more than one portion of dessert).

       So many fitness commercials say they guarantee results in two weeks with just 5 minutes a day. If I spent 5 minutes a day on every last little thing I want to improve upon, and I keep it up for two weeks, it will likely become a habit. Spend 5 minutes cleaning each room in the house and you will see results. Work your abs for 5 minutes a day and you will see results. Read your Bible for 5 minutes a day and you will grow in knowledge. Pray for 5 minutes a day. Sit in silence for 5 minutes a day. It sounds so easy. For some habits it is, but for others this is HARD. I blame our own weaknesses and our cultural ADHD. I find the struggle is worthwhile once I see results, but during the struggle it can be hard to stay positive.

UPDATE: regarding my plan to help with hurricane Sandy relief, I am sketching out a 3 day trip for the youth  to go somewhere in the area.

Substitute Teaching

So I've gotten a job as a substitute teacher. It's always been a fact that teaching means you learn a lot, and this job is certainly schooling me. So here are some observations/things I've learned/things I've done as a sub.

Observed: not all schools or classes have textbooks and it's awful for a sub when the subject is math and I have no way of looking up and refreshing my brain on how to do what they're doing. The last time I did calculus was 1999 and most other stuff was before that, so I need a reminder.
I've learned: Always get a schedule of the day for the teacher I'm in for, or else the third graders will wonder why I think they have computer day when it's gym day and the 7th graders will hate me for thinking they eat lunch 15 minutes later.
I've done this: a kindergartner told me a boy had called her a crybaby. She said this as though she were reporting the weather outside, not a hit of whine in her voice. I asked her if she's a crybaby. She calmly answered me, "no." I told her, "Then that boy is wrong. Ignore him."

Observed: Two little girls (sitting next to each other) lost a tooth within minutes of each other. They are third graders, so this was normal. I wondered if the nurse thought I was daring the class to pull their loose teeth.
I've learned: Always get a map of the school. Faculty lunchroom and faculty bathrooms locations are very important things to know.
I've done this: One third grade boy raised his hand throughout the day and told me jokes from a book he had. Toward the end of the day his hand was up, and I asked him, "Does this have anything to do with the Amish?" (we were discussing them). He said yes. I said okay. He then asked another joke question.

Observed: Sometimes a parent is supposed to pick up his/her child and never shows. The child is anxious for hours as a result.
I've learned: Always preface answers to the teachers with "Mrs._______ told me this..." because otherwise they will think you took some kid's word for it!
I've done this: Told a multiracial class I wear the same foundation shade as Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Observed: The kids think it's great when their sub goes to gym and plays with the parachute too, including laying on the floor.
I've learned: Tell the kids to make a sign with their name on their desks. It's hard to corral "you there, in the red pants!" since they answer to their name better.
I've done this: Played Just Dance 2 on the Wii to Walk Like an Egyptian in front of a gym full of 5th graders and beaten the other teacher.

Made it!

So we're fine even though the eye of Hurricane passed right over us (which meant we had a weird, eerie calm from 11pm to midnight). Amazingly we've had power this entire time too. I consider it a miracle that the house is fine, no swimming pool in the basement and the big shade tree didn't come crashing down; it didn't even lose any branches. I'm absolutely relived. Honestly, I'm been super anxious since about Thursday. When I picked up my son from school on Friday, I wasn't sure when he'd be going to school next. Not sure about tomorrow yet.

Someone else posted a link to an entire litany for the hurricane, and ended in a short, stand-alone prayer:

"God of heaven and earth, God who carries our lives and the lives of [all in Sandy's path] in your hands, be with all those in peril this day/night. Help us to release our anxieties and fears into your caring hands, knowing in faith that your will for us is life and everlasting good. Send your holy angels to watch over us and guard us. May your angels spread their holy wings to give all in danger shelter against the storm. For you alone, O God, are all good, all life, all love, and that love is for us; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."

I know it's so easy for me to feel relieved right now, and feel I've experienced a miracle in that this area was not turned into a total swamp, because my house is fine, everyone is safe, people without power in this area have access to hot showers and we've stocked up on food and water and Dr. Pepper. I like to think that if the big tree HAD fallen on the house that I would still be praising God for no loss of life and everything else there is to be thankful for: people offering us a place to stay and repair crews.

Really, there are always reasons to be thankful and praise God. It sounds insane to say that in light of all the horrible things that happen in life. As I said above, I didn't have a catastrophe during this hurricane (The problem of evil is called Theodicy), but there are plenty of places that need help cleaning up once the waters recede. I need to go help out. Why? Because people need help, from drinking water to another person to help rip up water-logged carpet from a flooded house. 

When awful things happen it's not enough to try to stay out of harm. It's not enough to be glad things weren't worse. We also need to get out there and help. If you think that God can just do it himself then you're denying him an opportunity to work through you. 

I'm not just going to preach. I'm posting this so others can hold me accountable: that somehow I will help with Maryland or Delaware clean up efforts.

Hurricane Sandy. I mean, THAR SHE BLOWS!

I'm feeling anxious about hurricane Sandy. So I'm trying to look on the lighter side of things.

What NOT to do during a hurricane

1. Go outside and try to recreate any bodywash or shampoo ad where they lathered up outside. It's raining hard enough to take a shower out there, but resist the urge.

2. Put out Halloween candy. It will blow away. Keep it inside and within reach.

3. Buy the wrong kind of batteries.

4. Figure you'll just grab drive-thru for dinner while it's hurricaning.

5. Call and ask Comcast or anyone else why your cable is out and your computer won't work in the power outage aftermath.

6. Get a drastically different haircut. There's enough anxiety already.

7. Run errands.

8. Visit a corn maze.

9. Garden.

10. Paint the shutters.

11. Take the dog for a nice, long walk.

12. Illegally copy movies.

13. Walk into Mordor.

14. Gripe about the other candidate. 

15. Try to tame a skunk.

Jurassic Park

Okay, clearly the movie changed things from the book. And really there's no way to write this without some spoilers.

SPOILER ALERT: There are so many spoilers coming up.

So we find out right away that the dinosaurs have clearly found a way to get off their island, which is off the west coast of Costa Rica. Procompsognathus have been biting babies and kids, except folks on the mainland haven't figured out yet they're dinosaurs engineered by some nutty rich guy with a vision he hasn't thought through fully and but yet realized.

The nut is John Hammond. He figures out he can take blood from mosquitos that bit dinosaurs 65+ million years ago that have been preserved all this time in the sap of trees. These amber-encased bugs contain dinosaur DNA because apparently red blood cells carry DNA in avians (birds) but for a human you'd have to hunt down a rarer white blood cell. He even invites his grandkids to Jurassic park to show the scientists how safe it is and how certain he is that the park will be a huge hit. In the hour before his death, he curses his grandkids (not to their faces). Why? Keep reading.

Despite the gaggle of scientists, there are SO many problems with Isla Nublar. Dr. Ellie Stattler, a paleobotanist, immediately notices that poisonous ferns have been planted right next to the swimming pool. Yeah, they're authentic Jurassic ferns, but accidentally brushing up against those plants would make a person really sick. If someone inhales spores, they'd die.

Dr. Ian Malcolm is a mathematician and firm believer in Chaos Theory. He's been going around saying that Jurassic Park is a huge accident waiting to happen and he can prove it mathematically. I had some trouble following exactly what this character is talking about (his words are based on the work of James Gleick), but the point is we can't make something that's alive and expect to control it. We can't even totally control the environment if that living thing.

So why did John Hammond curse his grandkids? Because he couldn't control them. He was walking from the lodge to his bungalow and heard a T-Rex roar. There are two such beasts on Isla Nublar, so his panic is somewhat warranted. Despite the hellish problems the park has had over the weekend, he is on the other side of many electric fences from either T-Rex. But he forgets this. He panics, trips, and falls down a hill into a streambed, and breaks his ankle. He hears the roar again and realizes that his grandkids are playing in the control room; the T-Rex roar is being broadcast from park speakers. He spends over an hour trying to climb up the hill, calls for help, and then notices Procompsognathus (compys for short) are gathering around him. He's a crippled animal to these scavengers; an easy meal. He tries to fight but too easily, things he has created kill him. He created selfishly (to make money) and had knowledge, but no real wisdom.

Other failure to control the dinosaurs problems: all the dinosaurs created are female so that they can't breed 'in the wild' on the island. John Hammond's corporation even has plastic eggs in which to insert the embryos. The lighting, moisture, everything has been considered...except the frog DNA used to fill in the holes in the DNA sequences in 5 of the species came from frogs who are able to change gender when all the surrounding frogs are the same gender. Another problem is that no one seems to understand how the main power works. Yet another problem is that a selfish programmer is being paid to steal dinosaur embryos and smuggle them off the island to another bioengineering company. The traitor dies by the way, and his death is just awful.

Now compare John Hammond to God. Both created. Hammond and God created an environment for their created beings to hang out in, and they both created things with free will. Both are superior to their creations. Neither God nor Hammond needed to create anything but chose to create. Both wanted to be around what they created. That's where similarities end.

Hammond tries so hard to control his creation through electric fences, a lysine dependency that is only satisfied through daily tablets for the animals, moats, steel bars, thick glass, tranquilizers, shock sticks, and so on. You get the picture: he's like a tyrant over this island he has claimed. He enjoys his work and is proud of what he's made. But again, despite all the knowledge and information he has employed, he lacks true wisdom. He ignores some of the basic needs of his creatures, such as needing a higher percent of oxygen in the atmosphere.

God stopped at every step during Creation to notice that what he had made was "good". He made a beautiful garden with healthy fruits and vegetables to eat and put the animals and people he made in it. God cultivated a relationship with his creation. He even let the people be the stewards of the garden! He gave them the rules. They could live in the garden he made for them or they could go try to create their own abode. When they screwed up, God let them pay the consequences but never stopped loving them. He also offered his creation a continued relationship with him. His creation pains him with sin, but cannot kill him.

Remember that John Hammond is creating within God's creation. Is he pretending to know better than God? Is he trying to replace God?

Signs You're a Mature Adult

1: You're tempted to do yardwork at someone else's house.
2: Taking a shower helps you feel human again.
3: You chase your cat(s) onto the tiled floor when they're about to puke because it's easier to clean than the carpet or rug.
4: You cart around things like bug repellent, sunscreen, and Band-Aids just in case.
5: You sit in the house alone sometimes with no TV or music on, just for the peace and quiet.
6: You feel so much better after cleaning.
7: You clean when stressed or angry.
8: You largely dislike McDonald's.
9: Reality shows can't hold a candle to documentaries.
10: You know the book is better than the movie.
11: You take more than one pill a day.
12: You've ever thought that youth is wasted on the young.
13: You've said "I'm sorry" and truly meant it.
14: You know how to write thank you notes.
15: You aren't ashamed to ask for help.
16: You eat foods you don't like because they are good for you.
17: Caffeine moves from 'beverage' to 'food group'.
18: You can admit you're wrong without becoming defensive.
19: You research something just to learn about it.
20: You accept certain facts about yourself (I have curly hair. I'm finally okay with it).
21: You are trying to change your bad habits.
22: You've ever put someone else's needs ahead of your own.
23: You are certain you could survive at least a week without a cell phone and computer.
24: You know nostalgia isn't what it used to be ;)
25: You're tired of eating the same flavor all the time and try a new one.
26: "Sleeping in" means you get up no later than 9am.
27: You're certain the 80's weren't that long ago.
28: You're allowed to do the stuff you weren't allowed to do as a kid but no longer care (who wants to watch two movies in a row? And cake for breakfast = a stomachache by lunch).
29: You wish there was a rollover plan for all those naps you refused as a kid.
30: You get to play Sherlock Holmes a lot. Like when you enter a room (why did I come in here?) or need a household item (where on earth is the hammer? Who had it last?....)
31: You know your priorities and stick to them.
32: You know you don't have forever to do the things you want to do, so you don't put them off all the time.
33: You try to waste less.
34: You wish you had less waist.
35: You're psyched about getting an EZ Pass.

Inside and Out

     So I have been reading some books that get me thinking about character lately. One was the non-fiction Almost Amish and the other was the fictional novel The Help. A man on a flight from Charlotte to Cincinnati saw me reading the former and asked if I was writing a paper for school. I laughed and said I'm so done with school, I just like to read. Since the man was in his late 60's he was glad to hear this. I never got to reading on that flight because we spent the whole time chatting. It was very pleasant. He also laughed at my joke, "How does God refer to Himself? Me, Myself, and I AM."

     Anyway, Almost Amish is about a woman's desire to simplify her life, similar to the way the Amish live. There are actually 4 kinds of Amish; my favorite is the Beachy Amish because the name sounds like they are the sort to take a metal detector to the beach in the evening (the founder of that sect had the last name Beachy). So some can own a car, some have a little bit of electricity provided by a noisy generator, etc. They make the use of technology as annoying as possible so they don't want to use it. Obviously this is the opposite of most Americans. But simplification goes further than that: the author and her family left a sprawling house in Maine to move to a tiny town in Kentucky called Wilmore. I totally lived in Wilmore for 4 years!! But I didn't know about the author then (I think her name is Karen Sleeth. Her husband, Matthew, has written some books too. My library doesn't have them, maybe yours does). They cultivated a garden instead of a chemical-filled yard, moved into a much smaller house, and reduced, reused, and recycled. They thought about what they really needed versus what they could borrow. They didn't give in to impulse purchases. They even got on lists to reduce the junk mail they receive by like 90%. The author rides a bike most places (SPOILER ALERT: one time it was stolen because she hadn't thought to get a bike lock).

     In The Help, women in Mississippi in 1963 share stories about racism and the invisible lines we all draw between ourselves and others based on generalizations. The book is SO much better than the movie. Except for Shakespeare, that's almost always the case. Shakespeare I would rather see performed because reading it cures my insomnia. The black women are treated as inferior and sub-human by the white women they work for, while one of the white women is considered white trash, but no one tells her what is expected of her in Jackson, Mississippi society.

     So I thought about all the superficial junk we think about. Stuff we think we need, but it turns into an idol. We think we need the latest and greatest. We expect to get new stuff all the time. We don't know our neighbors next door because we're busy with our job, our hobbies, our vacations. One day I had just put cookies in the oven when my son and I went out to get the mail. The neighbor to the right was out doing yardwork, so I said hello. We ended up talking for probably 15 minutes. I went back inside and it immediately hit me: I burnt the cookies! Another time I was getting the mail and I saw the neighbor on our left out getting her mail. She didn't see me, so I called out hello. Later I was doing yardwork and she invited my son and me to swim with them in their pool. I thought that was awesome! It was hilarious to me that I'd burnt the cookies talking to the neighbor, I'd rather have the conversation than the calories.

     I think about all the stupid things I've purchased, especially when I was younger. I think about all the times I drove myself and my mom crazy griping that I had 'nothing to wear'. I remember my bad skin and frizzy hair made me very self-conscious. I was so shallow! I was worried about what I looked like and fretting because I wasn't a Claudia Schiffer look-alike. I should have been thinking about what type of person I wanted to BE. What I wanted to be known for beyond cute clothes for example. What causes did I value, what traits do I admire, how can I work on developing those traits in myself. I suspect many of us have realized this as we age.

    Now, I wasn't totally shallow. I did Girl Scouts and 4-H and got involved at my church. I read a lot (no romance novels) and I did well in school. Junior year of high school, I stepped between my boyfriend at the time and a freshman I didn't know because boyfriend wanted to beat up freshman for some stupid reason. I told boyfriend it was stupid and I wasn't going to let it happen. But what about the times kids were being made fun of and I said nothing? I was made fun of too, all through high school. I would've loved for someone to say "so she has frizzy hair, so what? get a life" in my defense when boys threw balls of paper so they'd stick in my hair.

    So what? I wanted an advocate. Now I know better how to be one for others. I wanted encouragement and confidence and someone to lean on. Other people want those things too and I can help them out that way. I want a break from the daily grind sometimes and the chance to give someone else a break. I don't want to be boring, but I usually try to play it safe. Life is a journey, and journeys are supposed to be exciting!    I can't be the person I want to be and develop the traits I admire in others without stepping out and stepping up to the plate. I've wasted so much energy and time in my life worrying. "I wish I had worried more" said no one ever.

Come, Holy Spirit, come!!

Weird Myths that Persist

I'm thinking about truth.

For some reason we believe things that aren't true. Here is a sampling of things that are widely believed, yet are definitely not true:

Myth: Hair that's shaved off grows back thicker and darker.
Truth: Hair that is shaved only appears thicker and darker because the blunt end of the hair is seen opening the skin follicle. In plain English, it's an optical illusion. How do we know? I have blonde hair and I've been shaving my legs for ~20 years. My leg hair is still blonde, it's not thicker and darker. And balding men would fix their balding problem by shaving their head several times.

Myth: Trimming your ends helps your hair grow faster.
Truth: Your hair doesn't grow from your ends, it grows from your head. That's why they're called your roots--it's where the growth comes from. If you dye your hair you find you have to touch-up your roots because they are growing out. Trimming your ends only makes your hair look healthier overall.

Myth: It is illegal to pick bluebonnets in Texas.
Truth: You can legally pick bluebonnets in Texas, but you cannot trespass or block traffic or run around drunk or naked in order to do so, because those things are already illegal.

Why does it matter? What difference does it make knowing things like this? Too often people think there is no such thing as truth anymore, like everything is subjective. "MY hair grows better when I trim the ends..." and "I don't have anger issues. YOU just drive me nuts." But there are absolute truths. It's really difficult to stand by and watch someone continue to follow something that isn't true. I'm not talking about hair or bluebonnets here, but addictions and the like. When you know what's really going on in a situation it's so hard to not preach to the person hung up on the lie.

This is one of the things I struggle with. The art of shutting up. The art of looking at the fine line between lovingly telling someone something they need to hear and going overboard trying to run that person's life. And people do this to me. That's another (not so bad) struggle: how to gently tell them they have crossed the line and they need to back off right now.

Truth isn't something that's found within us, otherwise it would be different for each person. Yeah, we totally have our own preferences, and that's awesome. We're not supposed to all be the same exactly. We can express Truth in different ways. That sounds weird, so here are some examples: Christian denominations. Frankly, I don't agree with everything that other denominations do/believe. But the Baptists rock at evangelism (NOT Westboro Baptist. I pray they sit down and strongly rethink the hate messages they continue to send. That's just one church, not a denomination or religion). Roman Catholics are awesome at outreach. United Methodists are deeply compassionate and full of ideas that bring glory to God.

Another example: we need to take care of the earth, regardless of global warming being a myth or documented. No matter why the earth goes through climate changes, we still need to take care of it. Some people choose to reduce, reuse, recycle. Some choose products that aren't damaging to the earth (like using vinegar and baking soda instead of Raid for their indoor ant problem). Some people bike or walk as often as possible, drive a hybrid, or limit how much electricity they use.

Now here's another (and please, nobody start preaching, just yell Amen!): love your neighbor. Love doesn't mean enable. Love doesn't mean become a doormat for your neighbor. Love doesn't mean you agree with everything your neighbor says or does. Love is being patient, kind, self-controlled. We all have something in common: deep down, we all believe that we are above-average drivers. Oh, wait. Deep down, all of us need to be loved and love in return.

I'm gonna rip off The Help here.
You is kind.
You is smart.
You is important.

Those things are also true. HOW kind, smart, and important you are is up to you. If you are kind and smart, you are quite likely to also be important. You're probably important to a few people anyway--your family. Even if you're driving them crazy, they still put value on you that other people don't.

So I'm gonna try to focus on myself in that I'm making sure I am kind and doing smart things, keeping promises, and not biting people's heads off when they have a different opinion than me. I'm gonna focus on the truth, what's important. Bashing others takes away time and energy I could be spending on improving myself.

P.S. I totally crossed another item off my bucket list (take my son to the beach). Yeah!

Yuma, AZ

Things I Can and Cannot do in Yuma, Arizona in June

Can: Get a tan like Domino's delivers pizza: in 30 minutes or less.
Can't: get used to the heat or the time difference from EST in less than a week.

Can: Stop and smell the roses
Can't: Figure out what that weird bird is.

Can: Become obsessed with Mr. G's burritos.
Can't: Stop thinking about opening a Mr. G's in Maryland/Delaware.

Can: Be grateful for air conditioning.
Can't: take a cold shower. It's like when the hose has been laying in the sun.

Can: Fly to Yuma with roughly 5 pounds of toiletries in my carry-on bag on 4 difference flights with no one at any airport ever saying a thing.
Can't: Fly out of Yuma with the above 5 pounds of toiletries without getting bag searched and security thinking I'm high maintenance.

Can: see family I haven't seen in years.
Can't: deny we're related or pretend I don't know them at Golden Corral.


Can: see a cactus taller than myself.
Can't: Walk outside barefoot.


Can: drink too much caffeine.
Can't: Drink enough water.

Can: Sit on the patio in the shade and chat/dominate conversation.
Can't: actually cook an egg on the pavement such that it's safe for consumption.

Can: See big (to me) dogs and they get used to me.
Can't: Convince them I don't need dog slobber on me and no they can't have some of this donut.

Can: go to my grandma's viewing.
Can't: Make the lump in my throat go away or forget her.

My Bucket List

So I read a (heartbreaking) story about a baby born with SMA named Avery. At birth her parents were told she had 18 months to live tops. So they made her a bucket list. It included things like 'draw on the walls', 'have a tea party', and 'celebrate my half birthday'. She died at the end of April, just after her half birthday. But it got me thinking: why do we wait until we have an obvious expiration date to decide what we really want to do? We need to start sooner, people! We gotta start while we're young enough and healthy enough to do this stuff. 

So here's what I have so far on my bucket list.

Skydive (tandem jump) May 31, 2014! 
Go to the movies alone (it's a confidence thing)
Get highlights in my hair 7/11/2013 I got copperish-red lowlights  & 5/22/14 highlights!
Go on a hot-air balloon ride (maybe wearing Depends)
Take my son to the beach (June 29, 2012)
Go canoeing or kayaking (as a rower, I was in a canoe as a little girl but don't remember it)
Go to Hawaii or somewhere tropical (with a pound of bug repellent) for vacation
Go to the National Archives (9/28/2012)
Go to the National Cathedral
Go to the Jefferson, Washington, and Lincoln monuments(9/28/2012)
Go to the Holocaust museum (9/27/1012)
Tour the White House (10/2/2012)
Go to Italy (scheduled for March, 2015!!)
Go to Germany and see Schloss Neuschwannstein (that's the castle on which they based Sleeping Beauty's castle)
Shoot a handgun at a shooting range (August 15, 2013)
Learn how to climb a tree (this is influenced by the Hunger Games books)
Do archery again (
Make my own clotted cream (because homemade whipped cream is NOT the same thing)
Paint a room (May 28, 2012)
Jog a mile
Get a facial (9/7/2012)
Plant a tree
Have a garden that doesn't consist of weeds (I planted Sweet William and a begonia just the other day! They aren't dead yet!)
Take dance lessons (like ballroom)
Do a backbend and/or the splits (I have this thing about being somewhat in shape)
Buy a lottery ticket (won $5 today on my annual birthday lottery ticket!--May 28, 2012) (Won $25 on my 32nd birthday ticket 5/28/2013)
Learn about spiders and snakes (because knowledge is power and they both scare the dickens outta me)
Polar Bear Plunge! January 4, 2014, the ocean was 40 degrees!

I know I will continue to add to this list (because as of today, I'm only 31) as I cross things off and think of new stuff and my tastes change. The list consists of things that are huge deal things and more mundane stuff, obviously, because marking little things off the list helps me feel I'm accomplishing things. Whenever I make a to-do list I like to include ridiculously easy things or even something I've already done, just for the satisfaction of crossing that item off the list. It's like building up momentum.

So here I go.

Good Idea, Bad Idea

These are some tips I've picked up, some I learned the hard way:

Good Idea: Using Icy Hot after a strenuous workout session.
Bad Idea: Mixing up the tube of Icy Hot with a tube of anything else.


Good Idea: Plucking stray eyebrows.
Bad Idea: Over-plucking eyebrows. They are very sensitive and if they feel you don't want them there, they will never come back. EVER.


Good Idea: Buying products suited to your hair type/skin type.
Bad Idea: Forgetting where you put them.


Good Idea: Cleaning with bleach and/or vinegar to get a deep clean.
Bad Idea: Doing your cleaning while wearing clothes you want to wear in public ever again and without rubber gloves.


Good Idea: Relaxing while reading a good book.
Bad Idea: Reading right before bed when you just can't put the book down. You'll finish in record time but lose sleep and dream about the book (anyone else having Hunger Games dreams? No? Just me, then?)


Good Idea: Going outside and lounging to enjoy the gorgeous weather while wearing SPF 30+.
Bad Idea: Falling asleep and getting a really, really uneven tan.


Good Idea: Playing Wii Fit.
Bad Idea: Playing Wii Fit when your pets are being needy and you have little kids running around. You don't get extra points for trying to concentrate amid the chaos; the trainer will think you have the balance of someone with a stomach virus and an inner-ear infection and you will have a very low score.


Good Idea: Sleeping on your back so you don't add wrinkles to your face by smashing your face into your pillow.
Bad Idea: Sleeping on your back while a pet sleeps on your face.


Good Idea: Vacuuming.
Bad Idea: Vacuuming when you're missing an earring or assembling a puzzle with a LOT of pieces.


Good Idea: Painting your nails red to add a pop of color and some spice to your look.
Bad Idea: Failing to fix mistakes. People will think you were just in a horrible fight.


Good Idea: Exfoliating in the shower with a mixture of cornmeal and honey, then soaping up and rinsing as usual.
Bad Idea: Doing the above when you have an ant problem.

More Kitchen Adventures

I'm not your usual cook. I make Hollandaise sauce in the blender, cookies out of cake mix, fudge in the microwave, etc.

 I prefer to bake. I have very little experience cooking meat, so Thanksgiving is scary for me because I'm suddenly in charge of a huge bird as the focal point. I can make meatloaf and Shepherd's Pie and cook eggs seven ways but something about cuts of meat is strange to me. I think I'm overly anxious about it not being done in the middle. I mean, let's face it, even with something as easy as Hot Pockets you usually end up with filling that's either half-frozen or lava. I've mastered Hot Pockets (thanks to college) but meat still confuses me. I don't own a grill either, but I should cook inside before I go outside and get attacked by  mosquitoes while I agonize over steaks on the grill.

I don't even like to defrost meat. People have their hang-ups and chores they don't like. One of mine is defrosting meat. I would rather take meat out of the freezer two days in advance then have a defrost-a-thon with the microwave. I've also begun to notice when something has been frozen. I don't just mean if something has freezerburn, I mean if pasta or whatever was frozen and then thawed and cooked or reheated.

My favorite cookbook is tried-and-true recipes from people I know. However, I did have an incident with French onion soup. I'm not a big fan of it anyway. But I tried making some, slaved over it for about 3 hours and then didn't like it so I had a pb&j for dinner. I was so disappointed! So I've learned not to mess around with a complicated recipe for a food I don't really care for (i.e. no asparagus or salmon in my kitchen). Sure, if I ran into Bobby Flay or Cat Cora in Kitchen Stadium and they wanted to make salmon for me, I'd taste it. Let's face it, if something tastes really good, it was probably a slight pain in the butt to make.

Now, I haven't quite figured out the spice thing either. I know if the dish is Italian-ish then you can add basil and oregano and garlic and diced tomatoes. Of course I usually add whatever a recipe calls for, outside of hot peppers (I have acid reflux and an onion allergy).

I have on occasion craved foods I don't even like. This wasn't just a pregnancy thing. But it's not weird stuff, it's just foods I normally wouldn't eat, like supreme pizza. I'm working on broadening my food horizons so that I can at least tolerate, if not enjoy, new foods. I've learned to like black olives. I'm still working on green. I like Kalamata olives too (they come on my favorite pizza actually) but I can't just sit and eat them.

I have a small addiction to Nutella. I don't eat it instead of peanut butter on a sandwich. I spread it on shortbread cookies and eat it for dessert :-D Then the next day I go to the gym.

Chef's Log

So yesterday I tried making chocolate cupcakes with salted caramel frosting. I bought a cake mix and totally cheated on the cupcake part. But c'mon, it was Devil's Food extra moist. Don't be a food snob. So I made the icing from scratch. I put the sugar and water in a pan and got to giving my 3 year-old something to eat, giving the cats water, etc. Suddenly 7 minutes had gone by and the saucepan was full of smoke! I haven't burned anything in a while, so I wasn't sure what to do. I decided to let it cool and then proceed.

Dumb.

I added the milk and vanilla and stirred my little heart out. It wasn't creamy as the recipe said it should be. It was scary. The caramel was stuck to my non-stick Pampered Chef saucepan, and the milk coagulated into a strange and terrifying pudding. I dumped it out in the sink and vowed to being anew.

But the caramel wasn't budging. I poured hot water, let the pan sit, and scrubbed. Nope.

Put it back on the burner for a couple minutes. Nope.

I grab the scraper. Nope.

I roll up my sleeves on the cute blue and white ruffled blouse I'm wearing and really SCRAPE. Nope.

Finally I use the pot that boils water in two minutes (LOVE that thing btw) and pour boiling water on the stubborn caramel. SHAZAAM!

Now I can start over. At this point, like, an hour has gone by. Fortunately I left the unsalted butter sitting out on the counter so it was approaching room temperature as the recipe called for. Cooking is throwing ingredients with complementary tastes together, but baking requires precision: measuring, correct consistency, correct temperature of ingredients. Otherwise you can't bet on the results. So Rachel Ray can do "two times around the pan with EVOO" all she wants, but when she bakes a cake or bread I bet she busts out the measuring cups and spoons. Unless her cupped palm holds exactly 1/4 cup, and a tablespoon is what sits on her elbow with her arm held level (note to self: try this). I admit, I use my hands to measure things because I have the hands of a 10 year-old and they are exactly six inches from wrist to tip of my middle finger. But unless I'm rolling dough into a circle for scones, that doesn't really help.

Anyway, I get the caramel right this time (i.e. I don't burn it and have to turn on the fan and open the window  and kitchen door) and add milk and vanilla. I obediently set that aside for 25 minutes until it's cool to the touch. It tastes much better than the first batch, may it rest in peace. I get the hand mixer because I don't have a stand mixer as it says to use. But I used whole milk instead of heavy cream, and table salt instead of fine salt. Baking is about precision unless you have to go to the store and you know which substitutions are okay. I have a lot of fun creaming the heck out of the butter until it's fluffy. I add powered sugar and salt, then pour in the caramel and blend the heck out of it. I'm a little uncertain. Like, first-time-walking-in-3-inch-heels uncertain. I taste it.

It's flippin' delicious.

I immediately grab one of the messed up, partially stuck to the pan cupcakes (there were 3 out of 18, proving I am not an Iron Chef) and frost it. I stand over the sink to eat since I just cleaned the kitchen floor that morning and I'm too lazy to get a plate. Do I hear angels singing? No wait, that's Dora singing about where she's going in this episode.

Maybe next time I'll tell more about my cooking and baking adventures.

Things I've Learned as a Mom

       Being a mom is a little different than I thought it would be. My son, he's 3 1/2, has autism. He's basically middle of the spectrum, but with help he will improve. Maybe in 10 years you won't be able to really tell that he is autistic. He's in a special preschool program right now and it's helping tremendously. He goes 5 days a week and he gets speech therapy for 30 minutes twice a week. He went from nonverbal to repeating a lot and actually saying some things when he needs to say them. Other times I can prompt him to say something, that's something he wouldn't do before. He sings now too (which is hilariously adorable). We have to try harder to get places on time. He might veto everything I offer him for breakfast, preferring to throw a tantrum because I won't let him have candy instead of cereal or waffles. It takes forever to cross a parking lot. I can vacuum only to have him grind Poptart into the carpet later. I'm glad he has a mini trampoline inside. I have an Autism Awareness shirt and car stickers. I have to keep in the cart or stroller when other kids his age wouldn't have to, because he will run away from me and he ignores my commands for him to stop. At the Easter egg hunts he went to this year he didn't get many eggs, preferring to just run around instead because he was excited. Really, if he's having a good time and sort of trying and learning something or just being social (which is learning social skills) then I'm happy.

       Other things I have learned are just about having kids in general. I cried after I took my son to preschool his first day. I've learned to order something cold at restaurants so he has something to eat while the too-hot food cools. Always have a toy and snack. Vacuum the all-you-can-eat buffet out of the backseat of the car at least once a month. Keep track of all sippy cups or unspeakable horrors await when you find them again. Never assume your child can't get into something. I understand now why shirts are made that read "Autistic by day, ninja by night". You can make anything fun. Not just because there's an iPhone with kids' apps on it, but when my husband was looking for jeans one day I tried on hats and sunglasses just to amuse my son. His giggles when I put the hats on him were precious! Your house can only be so clean when you have little ones. I pick up and my son literally goes behind me and undoes my progress. I'm still not a morning person but I can make coffee and I go to bed around the same time each night now. My son is the most effective alarm clock I've ever had. I think I will always give the same baby shower gift: newborn diapers, socks, and a bottle of SHOUT! stain remover.

       My son has school pictures (for the first time ever, bet I cry when I get them) coming up next week. I have no idea if he'll really sit there for a picture, or what face he'll be making if he does. Frankly, they'd be cute anyway. I'm biased, but I think he's the most beautiful child ever. Several years ago my parents took my nephew, then about 18 months, to the mall to get his picture taken with Santa. He was all dressed up and looked adorable. On Santa's lap all he did was scream bloody murder. The photographer couldn't snap a picture that wasn't of my nephew screaming, so he told my parents they didn't need to buy a photo. My parents said something like 'are you kidding? We're the grandparents, of course we're buying the picture!" I liked that attitude and even if he's making what I call his 'predator' face, my son's school picture will be cute and at least look like him. There's a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip in which Calvin's parents are trying to take a good photo of him to send out on their Christmas card but Calvin won't stop making ridiculous faces. Finally, his mother looks through the pictures they're taken and says "well, these do LOOK like Calvin...."

       I can only take the new challenges and obstacles as they come. With autism, I don't know exactly what those will be, but if I think about him driving I will go gray tomorrow. I pray for patience a lot. Really, he's himself. I usually don't compare him to other kids. He is who he is. His autism doesn't define him, it's just part of him.